I wrote this two years ago and rereading it I find the glorious irony and circumstantial significance of it simply fantastic. Not to mention the fact that it overwhelms me with a feeling of immense intimidation. You’ll understand once you’ve read it.
This is the story of three men.
One was a military man from out west, one a disc jockey in a small southern town, and one a star athlete. All three were family men. The backgrounds of the men were as different as their appearances were. One was of medium height and build, one was short and stocky and one was well over 6 feet and athletic. There were similarities, however. They all were responsible, hard working men. They all began balding in their twenties and eventually grew out of their hair. And they were good Christian men, all three.
The military man grew up in Wyoming, where ranching was the most prevalent way of life. Hard work was not rewarded, but expected, and he did his share and more. He and his siblings had chores that many would consider full time jobs nowadays. He played sports and was most fond of basketball. He played for the Newcastle Cagers and once set a district record for points scored in a single game by draining 36 points off of 12 field goals and 12 free throws. After high school, he joined the Navy and set out to see the world. His trade in the navy was that of an electrician and he was good at it.
While in the navy, he met, courted, and married a girl from a small town in South Carolina. The couple started their family in 1956 with a baby boy. Two years later a girl was born and it was eight years before the brother and sister got another sibling, a younger brother born in 1966 in Millington, Tennessee. The oldest boy was fond of sports and played whenever he could. The girl proved to be quite a scholar and from a young age excelled in school. The youngest boy was a bit spoiled and could be a brat at times, but his love for his big brother and big sister and was genuine. They all three loved their Daddy dearly and he gave all of himself to them and his wife. He worked long hours to provide for them and they had a good life, filling their lives with love and good Christian values.
The family moved from Tennessee a few months after the youngest boy was born and set up a new home in Smyrna, Georgia. A few months after arriving at his new post, the navy man came home from a long night at work and told his wife he was tired and was going to lay down. On the way to his bed he stopped to play with his youngest boy, who was now eleven months old. It was the last time he would play with any of his kids.
The navy man died in his sleep, leaving a wife and three kids. The newly widowed woman took her three children back to South Carolina and started a new life there. Years later, all three kids had their college paid for by the government due to the fact that he died while in the service. Even after his death, the navy man provided for his family.
The disc jockey had a family of his own, with a wife and two kids. He lived and worked in the same small town he grew up in and provided for his family by entertaining listeners all around the county with his radio show. His wit and love for a good joke, sometimes at other’s expense, made for a fun ride to work for hundreds of listeners in his small town and any others the radio signal would reach.
The disc jockey also played sports. He played on his high school’s football team and during one game in particular made a play that is still talked about today by those who knew him and were lucky enough to see it. They talk about him running at full speed down the field, so far ahead of anyone on the other team that the crowd was celebrating before he even reached the twenty yard line. Then they talk about how a few yards later, he tripped and fell, squandering any chance of scoring what was a certain touchdown. But the disc jockey loved a good joke, even if he happened to be the butt of it, and nobody laughed harder at that story than him.
The disc jockey’s life was going as planned until one day when his wife suddenly died. The laughs don’t come nearly as easy for suddenly single father with two children yet to raise, but he endured. He eventually met a woman who herself had kids and they combined their families. He became a stepfather to her children along with the two he already had. His new wife’s oldest kids were in high school, and so they were only around for a short while before heading off to college. They called him by his first name, but his youngest stepson, who was in elementary school, called him “Dad” and he became a father to a young boy who had not known one in his lifetime. He gave of himself selflessly, working long hours to make sure none of the kids did without, and, along with his wife, raised them in a good Christian home.
The star athlete was bound for glory by his junior year in high school. Having played multiple sports most of his life, he had made the decision at that point to concentrate on the one he loved the most, and that was basketball. By the end of his junior year, he had letters coming in from head basketball coaches whose attention he had garnered with his play. Big time college programs with legendary coaches. He would surely end up with a scholarship, go on to college, and then the sky was the limit. The level of success he had attained was the result of countless hours honing his skills, rain or shine, with or without other players.
The star athlete’s work ethic was impressive enough in and of itself, but was even more admirable when considering that at home, he was also the man of the house. His father had died when he was young and his mother had just recently remarried. Until that time, the only father figure his little brother had was him, and he was a hero to that little boy. Now, he didn’t have to worry as much about going to college and leaving his mother without a man of the house and his younger brother without a father figure. That position was filled and he could concentrate on which big time basketball program he’d sign with.
He would not sign with a big college program, however. He would break his ankle not once, but twice in a year and the offers curtailed considerably. He would instead accept a scholarship to a small liberal arts school and play his college ball there. He excelled athletically at the small school and met the woman who would be his wife there. He would later say those years were the most fun for him because he felt like he got to be a kid for the first time.
Today, the star athlete is in his high school’s hall of fame as well as his college’s. He led his team to the district tournament championship and subsequently to the national championship tournament his senior year and is still regarded as one of the best players ever to play for his college. He is now a successful businessman and he and his wife have three unbelievable kids. And he never stopped being a hero to his little brother.
All three of these remarkable men were, in their own way, heroes. They all gave selflessly of themselves and all three had a profound effect on one little boy’s life. I know this, you see, because I was that little boy. I was the eleven month old boy the navy man played with the morning he died. I was the youngest stepchild to the disc jockey. And I was the little brother to the star athlete. All three were, at one point, the man in my life, and anything good I have attained or become is directly attributable to them.
This is the story of three men. And one grown up little boy who thanks God this Father’s Day for blessing my life with them.
Re-reading this today, knowing that I am a Step-Father like the DJ and one day soon will be a Father like the military man, I can only hope that I live up to even half the example these three men provided for me.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Blessed And Unprepared
God realizes I’m not adequately prepared for this. He knows that. He knows that fatherhood is not unlike a book I’ve been assigned to read, a book with thousands of pages and I’m ten minutes from the exam having not separated the front cover from the first page. He knows there is no possible way I can cram into my cranium the necessary information that I will require in the mere months, mere WEEKS, that remain until the twins arrive. (Author’s note: I would ask that each of you take a solemn vow this second to NEVER let it slip to my wife nor to her back that I described the remaining days of her pregnancy as “mere”) Yes, God knows that I am ill prepared because though omnipotent and incompetent could feasibly coexist in the chorus of a country song, only one is a fitting description of my preparedness on the subject of fatherhood and that is the latter.
But God has looked down on me with pity, to which I’m quite grateful as that is surely the only chance I’ve got. As it is that He and I both know and understand the impossibility of adequately preparing for my sons in the time that remains, He has given me a sort of Cliff Notes in the form of an 11 year old Step-Daughter and a 6 year old Step-Son.
Sydney and Elliott.
These two have taken it upon themselves, without any form of persuasion, to provide me with a preview of what raising the twins and parenthood will entail, and following the lead of their compassion and selflessness, I have decided to share some of their pearls of wisdom:
Elliott: “Mom, remember when you said that I was an angel before
I was in your belly?”
Leona: “Yes”
Elliott: “That means I’ve seen God.”
Leona: “It does?”
Elliott: “Yep. I even know what God looks like.”
Leona: “You do? What does he look like?”
Elliott: (pauses) You know, Mom, that was a LONG time ago…”
(Sydney had been asking Leona to feel the babies when they are
moving around)
Leona: “Sydney, come here!”
Sydney:“Where? Right here?”
Leona: “Yep…Hold on….oooh! Did you feel that?”
Sydney: (Makes a face as if she had just bitten into a lemon)
“eeeeeewwwwwwwww!”
Elliott: “I don’t ever tell lies”
Leona: "Well, you sure have told me some fibs lately"
Elliott: “Uhn-uh!! When?
Leona: (Talking like Elliott) “Yes, Mom, my room is clean!”
Elliott: (pauses) That’s not fibbing, that’s just me being confused.”
Elliott: “McTastic 4” (I love this in any context. It’s what he calls
the Fantastic 4 and it kills me.)
Elliott: “Sydney called me a name!”
Sydney: “No I didn’t, you little snot!”
Elliott asked my Mother for a glass of water and she took the glass
down but hadn’t put any water in it when he picked it up and
looked in it. He stuck his finger in the glass, swirled it
around and then gave her a puzzled look and said “Did you think
there was water in there?”
Elliott talking about one of his classmates: “He likes to dress up
like Wonder Woman and he plays with barbies and he
likes rainbows”(Nothing in his tone at this point even hints that he
thinks any of these things are unusual in the least, but
then he suddenly scrunches his nose and looks appalled) “But you
wanna know what else? He likes GIRLS!!!”
Sydney: “Paul McCartney is so hot.”
Me: “Have you seen a picture of him lately? He’s old.”
Sydney: “I don’t look at those pictures.”
Elliott: “You look like Spongebob”
Me: “Why in the world do I look like Spongebob?”
Elliott: “Because he’s Yellow, and can I have some root beer?”
Elliott talking about Charlie (Sydney’s dog who recently died): “Do
you think Charlie is up in heaven and when he poops God and the
Angels step in it?”
Yep, I am most definitely ill prepared for this test. But I am enjoying the Cliff notes to a degree that cannot be expressed with mere words. I am content with the realization that I will never be fully prepared for fatherhood but I am ever so thankful for the opportunity and the blessing. I am also extraordinarily thankful for the opportunity to experience this blessing with such an amazing and wonderful wife. In many ways she will be my eyes and ears on this journey and God couldn’t have put me in better hands.
I’ll leave you with these words of encouragement, inspired by my Step-Children:
Though sometimes in life we may feel like SpongeBob, take solace in this: God is with us even though we don’t remember what he looks like and with him the glass is always full even though we thought there was water in it and there wasn’t. And though parenthood may leave us with wrinkles and gray hairs, we will choose not to look at those pictures of ourselves but instead at the ones where we look like superheroes, as if we were members of the McTastic 4. So have a root beer and relax, because God loves us all, no matter who we dress like or what toys we play with because God knows he doesn’t make mistakes, he never lies and is never confused.
And in case you were wondering, he never steps in poop either.
But God has looked down on me with pity, to which I’m quite grateful as that is surely the only chance I’ve got. As it is that He and I both know and understand the impossibility of adequately preparing for my sons in the time that remains, He has given me a sort of Cliff Notes in the form of an 11 year old Step-Daughter and a 6 year old Step-Son.
Sydney and Elliott.
These two have taken it upon themselves, without any form of persuasion, to provide me with a preview of what raising the twins and parenthood will entail, and following the lead of their compassion and selflessness, I have decided to share some of their pearls of wisdom:
Elliott: “Mom, remember when you said that I was an angel before
I was in your belly?”
Leona: “Yes”
Elliott: “That means I’ve seen God.”
Leona: “It does?”
Elliott: “Yep. I even know what God looks like.”
Leona: “You do? What does he look like?”
Elliott: (pauses) You know, Mom, that was a LONG time ago…”
(Sydney had been asking Leona to feel the babies when they are
moving around)
Leona: “Sydney, come here!”
Sydney:
Leona: “Yep…Hold on….oooh! Did you feel that?”
Sydney: (Makes a face as if she had just bitten into a lemon)
“eeeeeewwwwwwwww!”
Elliott: “I don’t ever tell lies”
Leona: "Well, you sure have told me some fibs lately"
Elliott: “Uhn-uh!! When?
Leona: (Talking like Elliott) “Yes, Mom, my room is clean!”
Elliott: (pauses) That’s not fibbing, that’s just me being confused.”
Elliott: “McTastic 4” (I love this in any context. It’s what he calls
the Fantastic 4 and it kills me.)
Elliott: “Sydney called me a name!”
Sydney: “No I didn’t, you little snot!”
Elliott asked my Mother for a glass of water and she took the glass
down but hadn’t put any water in it when he picked it up and
looked in it. He stuck his finger in the glass, swirled it
around and then gave her a puzzled look and said “Did you think
there was water in there?”
Elliott talking about one of his classmates: “He likes to dress up
like Wonder Woman and he plays with barbies and he
likes rainbows”(Nothing in his tone at this point even hints that he
thinks any of these things are unusual in the least, but
then he suddenly scrunches his nose and looks appalled) “But you
wanna know what else? He likes GIRLS!!!”
Sydney: “Paul McCartney is so hot.”
Me: “Have you seen a picture of him lately? He’s old.”
Sydney: “I don’t look at those pictures.”
Elliott: “You look like Spongebob”
Me: “Why in the world do I look like Spongebob?”
Elliott: “Because he’s Yellow, and can I have some root beer?”
Elliott talking about Charlie (Sydney’s dog who recently died): “Do
you think Charlie is up in heaven and when he poops God and the
Angels step in it?”
Yep, I am most definitely ill prepared for this test. But I am enjoying the Cliff notes to a degree that cannot be expressed with mere words. I am content with the realization that I will never be fully prepared for fatherhood but I am ever so thankful for the opportunity and the blessing. I am also extraordinarily thankful for the opportunity to experience this blessing with such an amazing and wonderful wife. In many ways she will be my eyes and ears on this journey and God couldn’t have put me in better hands.
I’ll leave you with these words of encouragement, inspired by my Step-Children:
Though sometimes in life we may feel like SpongeBob, take solace in this: God is with us even though we don’t remember what he looks like and with him the glass is always full even though we thought there was water in it and there wasn’t. And though parenthood may leave us with wrinkles and gray hairs, we will choose not to look at those pictures of ourselves but instead at the ones where we look like superheroes, as if we were members of the McTastic 4. So have a root beer and relax, because God loves us all, no matter who we dress like or what toys we play with because God knows he doesn’t make mistakes, he never lies and is never confused.
And in case you were wondering, he never steps in poop either.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Boy Oh Boy....
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The twins are both boys! More importantly all appearances are that they are healthy, and we thank the Lord for that! More to come later!
Today's The Day...
Today’s the day. Well, the NEXT day.
There will be others, and soon, but today is the next day in my maiden voyage as a father-to-be, and it’s a biggie – it is the day my wife and I will find out the sex of our twins. We’ve made no secret about the fact that she and I are hoping for a boy and a girl, if for no other reason than to keep a peaceful, happy home. You see, she is convinced (based on her personal experience) that boys are much harder to raise than girls, while I am convinced that my chances of staying out of prison are increased exponentially by my having sons instead of daughters. Add to that the fact that my Step-Daughter wants girls and my Step-Son wants boys and the picture should be clear. One of each and everybody is content, if not happy.
My wife and I have hit our knees even more than usual lately, (For those of you scoring at home, I am speaking figuratively…I mean, she’s having twins!) and our prayers have not been for boys, girls, or a combination thereof, but instead for healthy, happy babies who cherish their sleep and will instinctively love the Titans and Clemson with little or no prodding. If we have learned anything over the past few months, however, it is that the Good Lord has a sense of humor, and while I certainly am in no position to begrudge him this, I am a little nervous. For the benefit of those who may not know this, I was told early in adulthood that I may never have children, but if I did it would most certainly be with help from a fertility clinic, and that even then there were no guarantees. My wife was told after her last child that she would never again be able to bear children. She had actually planned to have a hysterectomy this very month. Our first plans regarding our life together revolved around a family of four and my being a Step-Father, and only a Step-Father. (ssshhhhhh…..hear that? That’s God slapping his knee and laughing!)
Well, I am going to be a Father and today I find out whether I should go out and get some footballs, baseballs, gloves and bats and such, or start wearing orange scrubs to familiarize myself with what will surely be my daily attire sometime in the coming years. Leona and I have felt from the start that the twins are a boy and a girl, and hopefully that will come to fruition. You see, that way my daughter would have a brother there to protect her, at least from a physical standpoint. Otherwise, I’m not worried about a daughter of mine standing up for herself, because I’ve known a few Gaskill women and, when provoked, they have been known to make a grown man have to send those undies through the wash more than just the one time.
But I do find myself wondering and hoping. And inevitably I find myself humbled and at the feet of a God that I know is leading and guiding me and my new family in a way that will most certainly lead to a greater place than anything I could even begin to fit in my brain. He is preparing my heart now a little at time, stretching it here and there so that it won’t suddenly burst from the boundless love that I feel for my Wife and Step-Children combined with the love I already feel for our two unborn children. He is preparing me with little treasures, unexpected and priceless. He was preparing me the day my Step-Son Elliott came running from the school to my waiting Jeep screaming “VERN!!” with his face illuminated. And in the moment that I saw my Mother with Elliott, her arm around him as he showed her something, like a boy would show his Grandmother. And in the moment that my Step-Daughter Sydney and I went to the store, just she and I, and she saw a boy from school…THE boy, apparently…and after they waved at each other she giggled like I had never seen nor heard her do for a solid half-hour, and I was able to laugh and share that with her. And in the moment that Sydney asked for my help with writing, and I realized again just how special the relationship between she and I is going to be. And in the moments that Leona says “Well, hello there, Babies”, or takes my hand and says “Do you feel that?”, and I do. And in the moment when my Mother gave me my Father’s wedding band to wear, still bearing the inscription from her to him dated 1955 and when Leona put it on my finger. And in the moments when I look at my bride and realize that we are finally together. And in the out of the blue moments when for no apparent reason everything I have been blessed with hits me again. And in the moments when I miss my friends, but then realize again how lucky I am to have them.
Yes, he is preparing me.
So through the miracle of technology known as the sonogram (and hopefully the 3D one, due to the fact that we’re going to the place for high risk pregnancies and they do those there) we are going to find out around 1:00 PM what sex the twins are. There will be quite a crowd there, as the kids and my Mother as well as Leona’s will be in attendance. Rest assured that I will come home and immediately post the results and the sonogram here as I know that many of you are excited to know as well. Thank you all again for your prayers and well-wishes. Know that they are appreciated so very much.
This is the first of what will be regular updates on our family and the twins. I will do my very best to post at least one update per week, though I know that I would be able to post many more if time allowed because there doesn’t seem to be a day that goes by without something happening that makes it a special day.
Like today.
There will be others, and soon, but today is the next day in my maiden voyage as a father-to-be, and it’s a biggie – it is the day my wife and I will find out the sex of our twins. We’ve made no secret about the fact that she and I are hoping for a boy and a girl, if for no other reason than to keep a peaceful, happy home. You see, she is convinced (based on her personal experience) that boys are much harder to raise than girls, while I am convinced that my chances of staying out of prison are increased exponentially by my having sons instead of daughters. Add to that the fact that my Step-Daughter wants girls and my Step-Son wants boys and the picture should be clear. One of each and everybody is content, if not happy.
My wife and I have hit our knees even more than usual lately, (For those of you scoring at home, I am speaking figuratively…I mean, she’s having twins!) and our prayers have not been for boys, girls, or a combination thereof, but instead for healthy, happy babies who cherish their sleep and will instinctively love the Titans and Clemson with little or no prodding. If we have learned anything over the past few months, however, it is that the Good Lord has a sense of humor, and while I certainly am in no position to begrudge him this, I am a little nervous. For the benefit of those who may not know this, I was told early in adulthood that I may never have children, but if I did it would most certainly be with help from a fertility clinic, and that even then there were no guarantees. My wife was told after her last child that she would never again be able to bear children. She had actually planned to have a hysterectomy this very month. Our first plans regarding our life together revolved around a family of four and my being a Step-Father, and only a Step-Father. (ssshhhhhh…..hear that? That’s God slapping his knee and laughing!)
Well, I am going to be a Father and today I find out whether I should go out and get some footballs, baseballs, gloves and bats and such, or start wearing orange scrubs to familiarize myself with what will surely be my daily attire sometime in the coming years. Leona and I have felt from the start that the twins are a boy and a girl, and hopefully that will come to fruition. You see, that way my daughter would have a brother there to protect her, at least from a physical standpoint. Otherwise, I’m not worried about a daughter of mine standing up for herself, because I’ve known a few Gaskill women and, when provoked, they have been known to make a grown man have to send those undies through the wash more than just the one time.
But I do find myself wondering and hoping. And inevitably I find myself humbled and at the feet of a God that I know is leading and guiding me and my new family in a way that will most certainly lead to a greater place than anything I could even begin to fit in my brain. He is preparing my heart now a little at time, stretching it here and there so that it won’t suddenly burst from the boundless love that I feel for my Wife and Step-Children combined with the love I already feel for our two unborn children. He is preparing me with little treasures, unexpected and priceless. He was preparing me the day my Step-Son Elliott came running from the school to my waiting Jeep screaming “VERN!!” with his face illuminated. And in the moment that I saw my Mother with Elliott, her arm around him as he showed her something, like a boy would show his Grandmother. And in the moment that my Step-Daughter Sydney and I went to the store, just she and I, and she saw a boy from school…THE boy, apparently…and after they waved at each other she giggled like I had never seen nor heard her do for a solid half-hour, and I was able to laugh and share that with her. And in the moment that Sydney asked for my help with writing, and I realized again just how special the relationship between she and I is going to be. And in the moments that Leona says “Well, hello there, Babies”, or takes my hand and says “Do you feel that?”, and I do. And in the moment when my Mother gave me my Father’s wedding band to wear, still bearing the inscription from her to him dated 1955 and when Leona put it on my finger. And in the moments when I look at my bride and realize that we are finally together. And in the out of the blue moments when for no apparent reason everything I have been blessed with hits me again. And in the moments when I miss my friends, but then realize again how lucky I am to have them.
Yes, he is preparing me.
So through the miracle of technology known as the sonogram (and hopefully the 3D one, due to the fact that we’re going to the place for high risk pregnancies and they do those there) we are going to find out around 1:00 PM what sex the twins are. There will be quite a crowd there, as the kids and my Mother as well as Leona’s will be in attendance. Rest assured that I will come home and immediately post the results and the sonogram here as I know that many of you are excited to know as well. Thank you all again for your prayers and well-wishes. Know that they are appreciated so very much.
This is the first of what will be regular updates on our family and the twins. I will do my very best to post at least one update per week, though I know that I would be able to post many more if time allowed because there doesn’t seem to be a day that goes by without something happening that makes it a special day.
Like today.
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